


Chromophobia

by katzaren



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Depression, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Roommates, Theo's POV, Therapy, Up to Season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 00:11:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12264903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katzaren/pseuds/katzaren
Summary: When Liam accidentally outs Theo as gay at group therapy, Theo gets his revenge by claiming that Liam is his boyfriend. In order to make up for what he did, Liam goes along with the pretend relationship. Meanwhile, Theo struggles with his past and whether he even deserves a boyfriend, let alone a fake one, and Mason and Corey bet on whether or not Theo and Liam will become a real couple after their week of pretend dating.Thiam Week Day 2 | Fake Relationship





	Chromophobia

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Хромофобия](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15549612) by [Naty_White](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naty_White/pseuds/Naty_White)



> _**Chromophobia**_ _n._ an abnormal fear of colors, usually linked to color associations, which can elicit hormonal responses.

If there’s one thing Theo Raeken is good at, it’s lying. He makes a point never to tell the truth during group therapy, using any excuse to explain his bad moods. Lately it’s been about how he’s been fighting with his (imaginary) girlfriend. Again. He doesn’t understand how the others can do it, tell intimate details about their life. Even Liam manages to talk about his I.E.D. without getting into the werewolf stuff.

The groups meets every Monday in a classroom at UCLA. Ten people, plus a counselor. Liam’s made friends with a lot of the other members, but Theo always keeps to himself. He has Liam and Mason and Corey. What other friends does he need?

He’s leaning back in his chair in the round circle, seeing how far he can tip it without falling over. It drives Liam insane. That’s the main reason why he does it. Even though Theo considers Liam a friend, he takes great pleasure in annoying him. After all, arguing is what they’re best at.

Some dweeby guy named Keith finishes his story about how his girlfriend helped him through a panic attack for the first time. It’s yawn-worthy, but Theo has gotten enough scolding from the counselor to keep his mouth shut and at least feign interest.

“Theo,” the counselor prompts, nodding to him.

They always do this lame thing where everyone talks about the progress they’ve made in the last week, or their relapses, or whatever’s been bothering them lately. It’s fucking depressing—which is why Theo tries to tune out as much of it as possible. He’s only here because he had a stupid ass panic attack in the middle of English class as he watched them find the corpse in the water in _Winter’s Bone_. He hates the flashbacks he gets sometimes, the dreams of his sister that still haunt him.

The counselor calls it PTSD. He told her he found his sister dead in the frozen creek. He left out the details about how he’d stood there on the bridge and watched her die a slow, painful death—how he’d taken her heart, how it still beats within his chest.

“Earth to Theo.” Keith elbows him.

“Sorry.” Theo sits up straighter, then slouches as he remembers his plan. “My girlfriend just dumped me.”

A round of _aww_ ’s sound around the circle. It’s about the fifth time he’s told this lie. Anytime a big event comes up, where the others ask to meet his girlfriend, he pretends that she is coming until the meeting before. Then he whines about how his (nonexistent) girlfriend dumped him over some stupid reason. This time the event is a blacklight party hosted by one of the fraternities.

Liam snorts. “No surprise there.”

Theo levels a glare at him. “I know, I know. I’m a terrible boyfriend. That’s why I’m always getting dumped, right?”

“It’s a shame I didn’t meet this one before you guys broke up.” Liam shrugs, pursing his lips.

Theo sends a silent angry threat across the circle. He knows Liam can pick up on his chemosignals. They have a deal that Liam will back up all his claims about his fake girlfriends. That’s how he’s gotten away with the ruse so long. It doesn’t make sense why Liam is changing his mind now. Unless he’s still mad about the peanut butter incident. (It was just a harmless prank. Really.)

“Well, like I said last week, she’s always busy with work,” Theo explains. Even though last week he claimed she spent a lot of time with him. Small details. As if any of these losers actually pay attention to his whining anyways.

“I bet she was a bitch.”

Theo’s jaw tightens. “Oh, you mean like Hayden? The girl who left your ass and you haven’t been able to get over. It’s been three years, Liam. Three.”

Liam stands, hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. “Fuck you.” Theo can feel the anger radiating off him—his words hit a nerve. Good.

“You know, I thought _I_ was the bad boyfriend,” Theo said, “but maybe that was _you_. After all, Hayden went running from you. Couldn’t handle your I.E.D., I bet.”

“She left to protect her sister,” Liam says between gritted teeth. His anger is like a tightly coiled spring, one move and it’ll release in a catastrophic explosion. Theo knows this, and yet he still goads him. He takes a special pleasure in seeing Liam squirm.

“Her sister is a deputy, who’s more than capable of protecting herself, and Hayden was capable of protecting herself too. You’re way too gullible, Liam. That was just an excuse she gave to soften the blow of dumping you.” Theo smirks triumphantly. It’s the first completely honest thing he’s said all day. It’s oddly liberating to get the words out—maybe there is something to this sharing-the-truth thing.

Liam stomps towards Theo, his anger like a whip posing to strike. The counselor calmly steps in front of him. “Take a seat,” she warns, in a voice that sounds more like a request than an order.

Liam throws his hands up, stomps back to his seat, and sits down, folding his arms. He focuses a glare on Theo. “Why are you scolding me when he’s the one attacking me?”

The counselor sits back in her chair. “It’s still Theo’s turn to talk. If this argument is part of him getting past what’s bothering him, then carry on. Just keep violence out of it, boys.” She nods to Theo to continue.

Theo feels awkward now. It sounds like he’s upset that Liam isn’t getting over Hayden—which is true, but he never meant to expose such a raw part of himself. He clears his throat. “All I’m saying is, it’s pathetic to watch you mope around all the time. Just get over her already.”

“Pathetic?” Liam laughs dryly. “ _I’m_ pathetic? Who’s the one who can’t for the life of him make new friends here? Who’s the one who can’t keep a job because he can’t stand listening to what other people say? Who’s the one who lies to everyone week after week just so he can seem normal? Just so no one actually gets to know him?”

Theo’s throat tightens. The words shouldn’t hurt, but they do. The truth is a painful bitch, but normally Liam is more understanding. Theo has always kept people at a distance, Liam knows that. He knows that Theo has trouble trusting people, that Liam and his friends are some of the few people he’s let in his whole life. It’s a low blow, to target the parts of him that he’s been desperately trying to change for the past few years. Problems he’s faced his whole life.

“It’s not like I’m the only one keeping secrets,” Theo shoots back, bitterly. He raises an eyebrow, a quiet threat that he can make this whole room turn on Liam. How would they react to the knowledge that Liam had once tried to kill one of his friends?

“You wouldn’t dare.” A wave of anger surges through the room, the smell overwhelming Theo’s senses. A moment passes where Liam just glares at him, then he’s yelling. “Everyone keeps secrets, okay? We’re free to withhold whatever info we need in order to cope. So, don’t you dare accuse me of keeping secrets when you’re asking me to lie for you every week while you blab on about girlfriends that don’t even exist!”

Theo freezes, uncertain that he’s heard the words correctly. He knows Liam is mad at him, but he never thought he’d admit to lying for Theo. A crack in his righteous armor. It takes Theo a moment to realize that his own armor has taken quite a blow. The faces of the other members don’t look pleased with him. “Just because you never meet them, doesn’t mean they don’t exist,” he says quickly to try to save some face. “You’re just saying that because you’re jealous—”

Liam’s anger explodes, his voice loud and clear. “I am not jealous! I know they don’t exist because you’re gay!”

The room gets impossibly quiet, as if everyone is deafened by the explosion. No one crosses their legs or coughs, no one itches their head or taps their feet. All eyes are on Liam. And Theo is freaking out.

Slowly, Liam puts a hand to his mouth, as if he can’t believe that the words actually came out. That he actually fucking betrayed Theo like that!

His eyes are wide, pleading. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” he says quickly.

The scent of anger is long gone. Theo can smell fear, shock, and genuine remorse. It feels as if the pit of his stomach is swirling with poisonous snakes. Liam just outed him. That actually happened. And there’s no way he can deny it now because he’s sure his face is showing every ounce of the betrayal he feels. Damn it. After all these months of hiding it, now his secret is out in the open.

He wishes one of the ghost riders would appear and whip him into an alternate dimension. Anything to escape this nightmare.

What would Peter do? he wonders. Derek’s borderline psychotic uncle has the remarkable ability to handle every situation thrown at him coolly and spin it to his advantage. As annoying as the man is, Theo admires that part of him. But how the hell is he supposed to spin being outed to his advantage?

Then an idea hits him. It’s so obvious that he wonders why it took him so long to think of it. He takes a deep breath and prepares himself for the acting role that lies ahead.

“No, Liam,” he said, almost timidly. “Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault. You’ve been begging me to tell everyone for weeks.” He twists his hands in his lap, hunching his shoulders forward.

“I’m an asshole,” Liam says as an apology.

Theo laughs softly, fondly, and smiles at Liam. “Well, now that it’s out in the open, I suppose that means it’s time to tell everyone.” He looks around at the group, stunned at how much attention he’s getting. No one has ever gotten the full attention of everyone. It makes him almost too scared to say it, even if it is a lie. But he pushes onward, too eager to see Liam’s shocked expression. “Liam and I are dating.”

The room explodes with sounds. From Bethany shouting “I knew it!” to Amber excitedly asking when the relationship began. It’s surprising how quickly they accept the lie. But he supposes that because he’s been so secretive, this relationship fills in the gaps for them. Suddenly his reservation to tell the truth makes sense. He’s no longer the guy that can’t keep a girlfriend; instead he’s the guy afraid to come out. And Liam is the boyfriend who gets jealous hearing Theo go on and on about his fake girlfriend every week.

Theo searches Liam’s eyes, waiting for the shock or the anger. Anything. But Liam just looks embarrassed. The realization takes the air out of Theo’s lungs. Liam has a crush on one of the girls in the group. And Theo has just ruined his chances with her. But Liam won’t deny it because he feels bad about outing Theo.

“Liam is bi,” Theo adds, even though it puts a sick feeling in his stomach. It’s not true, he knows, but at least if he tells them that, Liam will have a chance with the girl he likes after they stage their break up. He’ll keep up the ruse through the blacklight party at least, and then let him go.

Theo ignores the sadness welling in his chest at the thought.

\---

Theo and Liam don’t talk the whole way back to their place. They share a three-bedroom apartment with Corey and Mason, who Theo really doesn’t want to see right now. He needs to talk to Liam first, make sure they’re on the same page.

Thankfully they find the place empty. Theo hangs up his jacket on one of the hooks along the wall and kicks off his shoes, then collapses onto the plush, navy-blue sofa.

Liam sits down next to him, a whole sofa cushion between them, his elbows resting on his knees and hands folded. “Dude, I’m so sorry I outed you. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Theo says, not looking at him. “You let your anger get the best of you, as usual.”

Liam sighs. “Yeah. So, you told everyone we were dating so, what, they wouldn’t think you were a loser for sleeping around with guys you meet on _Grindr_?”

These aren’t the words Theo expects to hear. Before Theo can react, Liam scoots closer to him on the couch and reaches for his face. For a moment, Theo thinks Liam might kiss him, and his stupid heart races. But instead Liam swipes away a tear from his cheek. Theo hadn’t even noticed he was crying.

He jerks his gaze away from Liam, letting his hair fall across his eyes. “I’m not broken,” he insists, but the words have no fire behind them. He _is_ broken. He knows that. No one would ever want to date someone as damaged as he is. He’ll be alone forever. The best he can hope for is to keep his friendships with Liam, Mason, and Corey. He doesn’t deserve them. A murderer and master manipulator like him doesn’t deserve kindness. Even as he fights to be good, he still manages to play the role of puppeteer. It’s what led to this stupid fake dating arrangement. Why did he think it was a good idea again?

“I’ll do it,” Liam says.

“Do what?” Theo winces at the hope in his voice. Hope, which he doesn’t deserve either.

“Be your fake boyfriend.” Liam touches Theo’s shoulder gingerly. “I don’t want you to feel inferior around the others in group therapy.”

“Me? Feel inferior? I’m a badass werewolf-slash-werecoyote. I am the apex predator. I—”

“You feel inferior. Because everyone else in the group talks about their relationships and their family, and you have no one.” Liam lifts his eyebrows in a way that says _You know I have a point._

Theo hates him for it, but he’s also impressed that Liam can read him so well. He takes so many steps to hide his true feelings, yet Liam can so easily peel back the layers and see him. But not all of him apparently. It’s clear that Liam has no idea Theo is in love with him. The second reason why this fake dating is a terrible idea.

“Come here,” Liam says. He lets Theo rest his head on his shoulder while he pets his hair. It’s the same thing Liam does after Theo has a panic attack, and the motions of Liam’s fingers in his hair calm Theo more than words ever could.

He’s so relaxed and zoned out that he doesn’t hear the door open. Corey’s words cut through the haze. “Oh my gosh, it is true.”

Theo opens his eyes—he doesn’t remember closing them—and sees Corey and Mason hanging up their coats by the door.

Grinning smugly, Mason holds out his hand to Corey. “Come on. Cough it up.”

Corey huffs and pulls his wallet from his back pocket, then places a ten-dollar bill in Mason’s hand.

“What’s that for?” Liam asks.

“Corey said that there was no way the rumors about you two dating were true. So, we bet on it. Looks like I won. Team Thiam!”

Liam pushes Theo away from him and stands. The loss of contact makes Theo feel like something’s been stolen from him. Like someone has ripped out his own heart. Again.

“Actually, Corey is right. We’re not really dating. It’s just pretend.”

“Booyah!” Corey exclaims, holding out his hand.

Mason slaps a twenty into his palm, clearly disappointed. “Why are you guys pretending to date?”

Liam scratches his head. “Well, um, you see, I kinda accidentally outed Theo to our entire therapy group, so acting as his fake boyfriend for a bit is the least I can do to make up for it.”

Mason’s eyes widen. “How the hell do you accidentally out somebody?”

“We were fighting. I was angry. Word vomit.”

“Oh.” Mason nods, as if he understands exactly what that means. “Well, you better be prepared to make out with Theo at the blacklight party on Saturday. Public outing is a serious offence in the gay community. You owe Theo _big time._ ”

“Making out?” Liam squeaks. He glances at Theo as if the thought terrifies him.

Theo averts his eyes. It’s too painful when Liam is looking at him like _that._ Like just the thought of kissing him is disgusting. “I’m told I have soft lips. It’ll be just like kissing a girl, okay?”

Mason huffs, sounding exhausted. “You two had better practice before the party. You’ll never be able to live down the title of homophobic asshole if you get freaked out in the middle of the party. Get used to it before then.”

“But it’s—”

Liam’s words are cut off by Mason’s lips. It’s a quick kiss, chaste enough to be viewed as platonic. (In Europe, at least.)

“See, not that hard,” Mason says with a shrug.

Liam seems torn, but thankfully he doesn’t look disgusted this time.

Corey nudges Mason’s shoulder. “Hey, asshole. Don’t kiss other guys in front of your boyfriend.” He’s not actually angry. The jibe is more playful than anything.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Mason promises, and that causes Corey’s face to light up. They practically run into their shared bedroom, music bursting through the walls to cover up their making up—or making out.

“I am the world’s biggest asshole,” Liam says. “I don’t know if I can do this, Theo. Damn it.” He’s bunching his hair up in his fists, looking as if he might tear it from its roots.

Theo reaches up and gently pries Liam’s hands away, pulls them down, and squeezes his fingers. “Why don’t we try before you give up? If it really isn’t something you can do, that’s okay. I’ll admit I’m a pathological liar at the next meeting and skip out on the blacklight party. No big deal.”

“But I outed you. I owe you.”

“There are other ways,” Theo assures him. “But let’s try this first.” He squeezes Liam’s hands again, to calm him down, and leans in for the kiss. A heart beats loudly and fast, like stampeding elephants. He tries to slow his heartrate, then realizes it’s not his heart he’s hearing.

Theo pulls back before their lips touch, releasing Liam’s hands. His body shakes, terror rippling through him. “I’m sorry. This is stupid. Fuck. I’m a mess. I shouldn’t be making a straight guy pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Liam swallows hard. “Yeah. Let’s just forget about it.” He walks away then, to his room, and closes the door behind him.

The loneliness hits Theo with the force of an eighteen-wheeler driving a hundred miles an hour. He feels like his insides are concaving, like something sharp is scraping out everything that makes him Theo Raeken. No one should have to feel this lonely, this empty. But he can’t blame Liam for this. It was Theo’s own plan to pretend to date Liam. And he didn’t do it for any noble reason—only the bittersweet taste of revenge.

Would he ever learn?

Always, always, always, he ends up hurting himself by falling back into old ways. He’s trying to be good. Trying to be better. Trying to _not_ be a monster.

But the monster lives in him, takes advantage of his weaknesses, and rears its ugly head. Fear. Pain. Self-loathing. They all feed the monster.

He’s been standing still too long, rooted to the spot. Movement. He needs movement. To get away from this place. He needs something familiar. His bedroom. Okay, that works.

Theo stumbles down the hallway, hands knocking against the photograph frames on the walls. Shakily, he reaches for his doorknob and pulls the door open. Thrusts himself inside. Slams the door shut. Collapses onto the bed. Buries his face in his pillow.

Pins and needles prickle his whole body. He turns his head to the side so he can replace the black world of his pillow with the white world of his room. All his walls, his furniture, even his picture frames are white. He should add more color, Liam always says, but Theo doesn’t want color in his life. He’s afraid of it.

Black reminds him of that hellish underground prison, where his sister came after him again and again. Gray reminds him of the tunnels underground, where the Dread Doctors warped his mind and turned him into the manipulative monster that still shows itself sometimes. Red reminds him of all the innocent blood he’s spilt—and of his sister’s warm, beating heart, stolen from her very breast. Orange reminds him of the sunrise that’s too beautiful for him to look at without feeling ugly inside. Yellow reminds him of the rarest of wolfsbane—a deadly color that fills him with dread. Green reminds him of the forest that hunters so often chased him through. Blue reminds him of the color his eyes should be, were he a true werewolf—the color of a killer. Purple reminds him of the regular wolfsbane, another danger to werewolves. Brown reminds him of the ground, his recurring nightmare of being buried alive. And pink, pink makes him think of the romance he so desperately craves, yet knows he has no right to ever experience. Of all the colors, it hurts to look at pink the most.

White is the only safe color. It’s a blank canvass, a chance to start again. And he’s desperately trying to make the most of his second chance. Scott, Liam, Mason, and Corey could all forgive him—the kindest and purest they come—so how come it’s taking so long for Theo to forgive himself?

Because he doesn’t deserve their forgiveness, he reminds himself.

Because what he did was unforgivable.

\---

Sometime in the next few hours Theo drifts into sleep. He doesn’t dream, thankfully, but he wakes feeling achy and sore.

He makes his way to the kitchen in a sleepy daze and gathers the ingredients and necessary utensils for cereal, yawning as he pulls open the refrigerator door to grab the milk.

Normally, he would take the food back to his room to eat it, but he sits at the kitchen table, welcoming the change of scenery. It’s better than holing himself up in his room like he always does when he’s feeling down.

“Hey.” Mason’s voice.

Theo looks up at him. Mason is wearing boxers and a T-shirt, his usual sleepwear, and he’s holding a spoon and an empty bowl in his hands. Theo glances behind him. The windows are dark. More time has passed than he thought. “Sup?”

Mason smiles, putting a hand on the chair next to Theo. “Can I sit?”

“It’s a free country.”

Mason chuckles and sits down. He pours himself some milk, then shakes the cereal into the bowl.

Theo crinkles his nose. “You pour the milk first?”

“Yeah. You don’t?” Mason raises an eyebrow.

“Cereal first, then milk. Always. I don’t like to waste milk.”

“Right…” Mason shakes his head, amused. “You’re not what I expected.”

“Because I used to be a manipulative killing machine?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not what I mean right now.”

“What do you mean then?” Theo asks.

Mason lowers his voice to a whisper. “I may not be a werewolf, but even I can tell that you have feelings for him.”

Theo averts his eyes and swirls his spoon in his cereal. It’s starting to turn soggy, but he can’t bring himself to take a bite. His throat suddenly feels tight. “I can’t help it,” he whispers back, barely audible.

“I think he likes you too,” Mason says, surprising him.

Theo shakes his head. “That’s impossible. You should have seen how freaked out he got when I tried to kiss him earlier.”

“Maybe that’s why he got freaked out. He didn’t react at all when I kissed him. Were you listening to his heartbeat? Did you notice it change at all then?”

“No.”

“And what about when you tried to kiss him?”

Theo remembers the elephant stampede of a heartbeat. “That doesn’t mean he likes me. It means the exact opposite. He’s neutral about you because you’re his longtime friend, but with me, he’s grossed out by the idea. I repulse him, okay?”

Mason sighs. “Well, for the record, I made a new bet with Corey.”

“What’s that?”

“I bet him forty dollars that this fake relationship ends with you two actually getting together.”

Theo shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have done that. The fake relationship is already over. Liam doesn’t want to do it anymore, and I don’t blame him. No one wants to actually date me, so who the hell would want to fake date me?”

“He’ll come around,” Mason says, not at all fazed by Theo’s words. Apparently, he doesn’t care much about his forty dollars.

“If you want to throw away money, be my guest.”

“I’ll talk to him. He _will_ come around, I promise.”

Theo levels him with a stare. He resists the urge to sigh deeply and says what he’s thinking instead. “Maybe I don’t want him to. This idea was stupid. If I pretend to date him, it’ll just make me want to actually date him more, and I really can’t take any extra pain in my life right now.”

“But if he actually likes you and you two start dating for real, that would help alleviate the pain, no? Sometimes you have to go through the pain to get to the good stuff. And Liam is worth all that. He’s as good as they come.”

“Exactly. That’s why he and I should never be together.”

Mason frowns, his eyebrows pinching together.

Pity. That’s what his expression means. It makes Theo feel pathetic, but he’s too exhausted to complain.

Mason sighs. “Look, I’m gonna be honest here. Liam’s kind of an idiot when it comes to relationships. It took him forever to realize he liked Hayden. For a long time, they just argued and acted like they hated each other. Sound familiar?”

“It’s not the same,” Theo says, annoyed. He stands up and marches over to the sink to dump his bowl and spoon. “Have a good night.”

\---

The next day Theo skips class. He knows the rumors of him and Liam have spread like wildfire since Corey and Mason found out so quickly, and he’s not ready to face the congratulations from his classmates.

He’s in the living room, watching a documentary about elephants, when he hears clattering behind him. He whips around to see a stunned Liam standing in the hallway. He’s just knocked over the picture of Liam, Mason, and Corey at their high school graduation.

“My bad,” Liam says, picking up the frame and hanging it back on the wall. It takes him a few tries, and when he finishes, it’s horribly crooked, but he doesn’t seem to care. Strange. Normally Liam is particular about the living area looking nice—his room, on the other hand, is another story.

“Why aren’t you in class?” Theo asks.

“Slept in. You?”

“Same.”

They both know it’s a lie. But neither says anything about it. Liam walks into the kitchen area, the sounds of clanging and clattering following in his wake. Theo glances over his shoulder to watch Liam stack chicken nuggets onto a baking sheet on the island counter.

“Would you throw in a few extra?” Theo asks. “I forgot to eat lunch.”

“So, two?”

“Asshole. At least five.” Theo turns back to the TV. Liam’s chuckle from behind him fills his chest with warmth. He hadn’t realized he’d been afraid he’d never hear that again. That his whole fake dating plan would mess up their friendship.

The timer beeps as Liam sets it to twelve minutes. When Theo makes the nuggets, he always sets it to six and flips them in the middle, but Liam is too lazy for that. It amuses Theo whenever Liam complains that the nuggets always come out better when Theo makes them. _“That’s because I flip them, idiot.”_

Liam settles on the couch, the cushion in between them feeling like an island. Did they always sit this far apart? Theo couldn’t remember, but he’d never noticed so much distance before.

“Did you do the Statistics homework?” Liam asks.

Theo snorts. “Hell no.” After dropping out of high school, Theo had gone back to get his GED so he could attend university at the same time as Liam, Mason, and Corey. He’s already so done with studying because of all the cramming he had to do for the GED test. Maybe he’ll drop out of college too—though Liam will probably convince him to stick it out.

“I did half of it if you want to copy mine.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Can we talk about the elephant in the room?” Liam asks.

Theo bursts out laughing because they’re watching a freaking documentary on elephants. “Which one?” He gives Liam a sidelong glance, smirking.

Liam doesn’t laugh. “The big one. The are-we-doing-this-fake-relationship-or-not elephant…”

Theo’s laughter dies, and he folds his hands together, his knees knocking up and down. His palms are sweaty, and he knows Liam can tell he’s nervous. Damn werewolf senses. “I thought you said no,” Theo says, trying to keep his voice level and calm.

“I did, but then I spent all of last night thinking about it, and I don’t know, maybe I could do it.”

“Maybe?”

Liam sighs, his expression pained. “I’ll feel better if we at least try, you know? You’ve been through so much. You deserve a night where you can act like yourself and not have to hide who you are. Maybe you’ll never have a real boyfriend, but I can be your fake boyfriend. I _will_ do it.” He sounds so determined, so ready to be a great friend to Theo, that it fills Theo with a deep guilt.

He shouldn’t have manipulated Liam into this. But now here they are, and even though he knows this is a bad idea, he can’t turn Liam down. “Okay. We can have our dramatic fake break up after the blacklight party. Sound good?”

“Yeah, perfect.”

Theo flashes a grin, then turns back to the documentary. He feels the cushion shift beside him as Liam scoots into the middle. There it is. He remembers now: that’s where he normally sits.

Theo jumps as warmth encompasses his hand. “Why are you holding my hand?” he asks, looking at Liam incredulously.

“For practice,” Liam says. “I’ll have to get used to it so I don’t look like an idiot if you grab my hand in public.”

“It’s not like we’ve never held hands before.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Saving my life _does not_ count. And calming down my anger also doesn’t count.”

“Can I lean my head on your shoulder?”

Liam chuckles. “Of course. Isn’t that what you normally do?”

Theo smiles, settling into Liam’s shoulder cushioned by his blue hoodie. Blue. The color of a killer’s eyes, but it’s also the color of Liam’s eyes.

\---

Faking their relationship at school is easier than Theo expected. The hand-holding comes naturally after their first practice. They hug more often than ever before. Theo leans his head on Liam’s shoulder during class to catch some shut-eye; Liam lays his head in Theo’s lap after they eat lunch out on the lawn; Theo brushes a stray strand of hair behind Liam’s ear, teasing him about how ridiculously long it’s getting.

In short, lots of skinship, but within the range of platonic friendship. There’s no kissing or touching each other’s naked bodies. It’s all sweet and innocent, and their classmates eat it up.

 _#Thiam_ is trending under local tweets on Twitter. The whole freshman and sophomore classes seem to know about them, even some of the upperclassman. It’s ridiculous. And it’s way more attention than Theo wants, way more than he can handle, but Liam is there beside him and somehow that makes it all bearable.

Anchors. Scott had talked about those. How it’s something to keep you grounded, how Scott’s anchor had initially been Allison. An anchor could be a person, and Theo is certain now, without a doubt, that Liam is his anchor.

The days pass blissfully slow. Theo thinks that if there is a heaven, it must look like this. Hell is his sister; but Liam is heaven.

It’s Friday when reality hits him, the day before the blacklight party, the penultimate day of their arrangement.

He’d fooled himself into believing that this could last, that the week would last forever. But now he realizes he’s just kidding himself. The only forever he can have is forever alone.

It’s his last class of the day, so he tells Liam that he’s going to take a dump and instead of taking a left to reach the bathroom, he heads straight out the back door. Leaves campus. He doesn’t go home. Can’t go home. Not if it means seeing Liam there later.

He sends Liam a text: _Let’s break up._

Then he turns off his phone, slips it into his pocket, and runs as fast as he can. The wind bites into his arms, and he realizes that he left his jacket in the classroom, but there’s no way in hell he’s going back for it.

He doesn’t stop running until he reaches the forest. He follows the scent of water to the bridge that reminds him of his sister. It’s not the same bridge, of course, but the setup is similar. Slowly, he walks through the grass, crunching leaves beneath his shoes, and steps onto the wooden bridge. The tapping sound of his feet against the bridge fills him with dread, but he soaks it all in, determined to feel every nasty little thing.

Theo settles in the middle of the bridge, rests his arms against the wooden railing, and gazes out at the water of the creek. He sees his sister lying there, heart still beating. She’s freezing to death, and all he can do is stare in apathy. For some reason, he can’t bring himself to care.

Habit brings his thoughts to Liam. He’s been trying to think of Liam every time he goes down this wormhole—his anchor. It’s oftentimes the fastest way to bring himself back to reality. But it doesn’t work this time. Because this time when Theo thinks of Liam, he can’t bring himself to care. At all.

It’s like he’s spent his emotional quota for the day on pain, dread, sorrow, and self-hatred, and there is nothing, _absolutely nothing_ left for anything else.

The deadly calm lasts another ten minutes—or maybe an hour. Orange, yellow, and brown autumn leaves fall around him. Sunrise, wolfsbane, buried alive. Sunrise, wolfsbane, buried alive. The colors of his sins—a promise of pain and suffering for his wrongdoings. Beauty, poison, death. Beauty, poison, death. The colors swirl around him, until the calm is leached away from him. Far too fast.

Panic shoots through him like lightning. He can’t breathe. Dots dance before his eyes, until he can’t see the colors of the leaves anymore. He gasps for air, but it’s not enough. His knees buckle beneath him. His hands slam against the ground to halt his fall. His kneecaps feel like they’ve shattered. Oh, fuck; how will he be able to walk? It’s cold. So fucking cold. He’ll die here. Just like his sister.

“Theo!” Warmth brushes against his cheeks. The sound of water lapping. No, a slap. Pain. A sting of pain.

Theo blinks at the figure. Hands grip his elbows to keep him from collapsing. Blue eyes search his face, dark eyebrows scrunched in worry. “Liam?”

Liam shoves his shoulder. “What on earth were you thinking? Running in the cold like this.”

“How did you find me?” Theo asks, confused.

Liam holds up Theo’s jacket. “Werewolf. Remember?”

“Oh.” Theo looks down at his hands. The red scrapes from the fall are already healing, his knees too. Relief pours through him like a rain after a drought.

“Why did you come here?” Liam asks, looking at the bridge and the creek below. He knows the story. It won’t take him long to connect the pieces.

“My sister. I came to see my sister.”

Liam slaps Theo in the arm, hard. “Are you serious, Theo! You came here to kill yourself? No, you can’t do that.” Tears drop from Liam’s eyes, getting more and more fervent as he continues. “You can’t leave us, okay? I told you that if it ever gets hard, you need to talk to me. Don’t run out in the woods by yourself. Don’t come here. Don’t jump into the water and drown yourself.”

“I wasn’t here to kill myself,” Theo says honestly. “It was just to remind myself…”

“Remind yourself of what? That you made a mistake?”

Theo shakes his head. “I wanted to remind myself that I don’t deserve happiness.”

“Bullshit.” Liam squeezes Theo’s shoulder, his eyes intent on Theo. So blue. So beautiful. A reminder that there is good in this world. “Theo, you deserve happiness. Everyone makes mistakes. I tried to kill Scott, remember?”

“That was because of me,” Theo points out. “Don’t you see? It’s all my fault.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, it was a mistake on my part. I’m sorry for it. Scott’s forgiven me for it. And even though it took a while, I’ve forgiven myself too. If you don’t deserve happiness, then I don’t deserve happiness.”

Theo shakes his head. “You deserve happiness. You do. More than anyone else.”

“No,” Liam says firmly, leaning so close he could kiss Theo if he wanted to. “ _You_ deserve happiness more than anyone else. Because you’ve gone through more suffering and pain than all of us combined.

“I don’t think that’s how it works…” Theo mumbles.

Liam sits back on his haunches and shakes his finger at Theo. “Listen to me, you’re going to stop torturing yourself by coming here. You’re going to keep fake-dating me so we can go to the blacklight party together and have fun, be happy. I’ll even make out with you, okay? I promise. Even if it grosses me out, I’ll let you make out with me the whole night.”

“Pinky swear?” Theo teases.

Liam holds up his pinky, dead serious. “Pinky swear.”

And just because it’s so dorky and so completely Liam, Theo shakes pinkies with him. It’s a promise.

\---

Theo doesn’t feel happy immediately, not even when they get home. But he feels less sad, less empty. Not as alone. It’s not necessarily a good feeling, but he’d take it over a bad feeling any day.

The four of them go out to a steakhouse for dinner that night, Liam insisting that Theo needs a proper meal since he’s been eating frozen dinners and cereal all week. Theo knows it’s really just an excuse to cheer him up. He appreciates it, once again reminded that Liam is too good for him. But he doesn’t let himself dwell on that thought this time. He moves onto the next thought—deciding what to order—and then the next—wondering if he can get away with brushing his thigh against Liam’s.

He doesn’t try, but he’s rewarded when a couple from their therapy group walk into the restaurant and wave at them. Liam waves back like an excited puppy dog and plants a quick kiss on Theo’s cheek.

Thank goodness Liam is sitting next to him and too focused on Mason talking to notice Theo’s blush, which lasts for pretty much the entire meal. Theo feels a good kind of warmth throughout his body—much nicer than the heartrending cold from earlier. The warmth doesn’t claw at him, but fills him, like a hot air balloon ready to billow into the sky.

When they get back to the house that night, Mason hangs out with him in the living area as he watches TV. Liam and Corey are playing a new video game in Liam’s room. Theo hasn’t played it yet, but he’s sure he’ll play it with Liam soon—after he’s had time to practice on his own so he can beat Liam.

“So…” Mason says. “I noticed something earlier at the restaurant.”

“Oh?”

Mason grins, looking entirely too pleased with himself. “Blushing.”

Warmth floods back into Theo’s cheeks. “I wasn’t blushing! I—”

“Oh, you totally were, but I’m not talking about you. Liam blushed right after he kissed your cheek. And you guys were sitting really close in the booth.”

“It was a tight fit.”

Mason chuckles. “You could’ve fit another person on the other side of Liam. Actually, I’m pretty sure Corey could’ve been sitting there invisible and Liam wouldn’t even have bumped him.”

“So?”

“So, maybe I will win that bet after all.” Mason looks proud of himself.

“I’ll bet you fifty dollars that you’ll lose,” Theo insists, crossing his arms. If Liam liked him that way, he would’ve kissed him on the bridge. He’s sure of it.

Mason smirks. “Wasting your money, dude.”

“Tomorrow I’ll be fifty dollars richer, thank you very much.”

\---

The blacklight party is in an hour, and Theo has nothing to wear. Okay, he doesn’t actually have nothing to wear. Every shirt that he owns is spread across his bed, but none of them look sexy enough for a blacklight party. He wants to impress Liam, even if it won’t amount to anything.

A knock sounds at the door. Theo shudders, not ready to face Liam. “I’m still getting ready,” he calls.

“It’s Corey. Can I come in?”

Corey. Thank goodness. Theo yanks open the door and practically pulls Corey into the room.

“I am in major need of advice,” Theo says, sweeping his arm across the entirety of his wardrobe.

“Is this everything? Don’t you have any muscle shirts?” Corey asks.

“No, I haven’t bought clothes for summer yet. It’s fucking cold right now.”

Corey shakes his head, clearly amused. “Have you never been to a blacklight party? It gets super hot in there. Hang on, I’ve got at least a dozen muscle shirts.”

“Won’t yours be kinda tight on me?”

Corey grins. “That’s the point.”

He leaves to fetch the clothes and returns later with three options. White. Light blue. And neon orange. “These will look the best under the black light. I normally go with the orange myself, but I’m not really sure it’s your color.” Corey holds the shirt up against Theo’s skin and shakes his head. “Nope, definitely not your color. Don’t worry. I’ll wear this one. So, white or blue?”

Theo doesn’t even hesitate. “White.” It’s his safe color. It’ll make him feel more confident tonight, and right now he needs all the confidence he can muster. He doesn’t know if he’ll have the courage, but he wants to tell Liam the truth about his feelings.

Corey tosses the shirt to him. “Looks like my work here is done.”

“Thanks,” Theo says, holding up the shirt.

“No problem, Roomie. I hope you meet a hot new guy at the party.” He winks and leaves the room.

Theo is confused for a moment, then remembers that Corey is betting that Liam won’t return Theo’s feelings. Stupid roommates betting on his love life. Theo remembers his own bet with Mason. Stupid roommates talking him into betting on his love life.

It’s impossible, he knows, but he really hopes he’s fifty dollars poorer by the end of the night.

\---

Liam is wearing a light blue sleeveless hoodie, his well-sculpted muscles on full display. Even better, the zipper is only zipped up about halfway. Theo can’t help but think about lowering that zipper all the way. Throwing the hoodie onto the floor. Feeling those muscles for himself.

Fuck. He needs to stop thinking about Liam before his pants start tightening.

They’ve only just reached the door to the party, and they can feel the music more than hear it, the booming making the pavement vibrate. The bouncer checks their student IDs and then gives them all pink neon bracelets.

They walk down a dark hallway, shrouded in black and gray. Theo’s breath hitches, the fear seizing him once more, but it disappears the moment Liam’s warm fingers interlace with his.

Theo looks at him, surprised that Liam noticed so quickly. Maybe his fear reeked more than most people’s.

“It’s okay,” Liam says. His voice has a calming effect. “You’re fine. You’re here in the present. At a party. About to have a good time with friends, okay?”

“Yeah.” Theo squeezes his hand. “Thanks.”

They reach the end of the hallway, and the doors part to reveal flashes of color and loud, booming music. People jump, sway, and shake their bodies around the room, dancing to the beat, if you can call it that. It looks just like a nightclub in the inside; there’s even a bar along the back wall.

The DJ is decked out in a _Tron_ -esque outfit, glowing blue lines across his body, and the rest of the room is an explosion of color. Mason and Corey rush to a line of people waiting to be decorated with blacklight paint. Theo and Liam get only a few feet into the room before people from their classes and therapy group rush to greet them.

“You guys have to come dance!” Bethany insists, grabbing Liam’s arm and pulling them towards the dance floor.

Theo’s jaw tightens as he fixates on Bethany’s hand on Liam’s arm. He’s jealous. He can’t help it. But he takes a breath and reminds himself that he doesn’t have to think about this. He can think about the senseless, repetitive lyrics to the electronic song that’s playing, or the way the colors he hated so much don’t look quite as threatening in glowing neon form, except for the blue, or the bar filled with the alcohol that’ll do absolutely nothing for them because of their stupid healing abilities.

“I want to get a drink,” he tells Liam, practically yelling to be heard over the music. He doesn’t actually want the drink. He just needs a break from the crowd, a chance to get his thoughts off the jealousy that is pouring through his veins like poison.

“Oh yeah. Grab me one too?”

Bethany has already pulled Liam into a dance, and it doesn’t look like he has any intention of going to the bar with Theo. It’s upsetting, but Theo moves onto the next thought. Get the drinks. Bring them back to Liam. Drink. Then act like you’re his boyfriend.

He’s not sure what the bartender hands him, but he’s pretty sure he can smell vodka. Whatever. Not like it’ll do anything for him. But, the humans don’t know it has no effect on him. So at least if he makes a show of drinking a lot, he can probably get away with being more handsy with his fake boyfriend.

He brings the drinks back to Liam, prying him away from Bethany, and they both down them pretty quickly. Theo doesn’t let Bethany back in. Wrapping an arm around Liam’s waist, he presses his body against Liam’s and sways to the beat of the music. Luckily, Liam follows his movements and doesn’t seem to be too freaked out to be this close and personal with him.

Theo focuses on Liam, drinking him in, enjoying the curve of his jaw, the way the light hits his eyes, the firmness of his back against Theo’s hand. He leans closer and closer, goes in for the kiss…

“There you guys are!”

Theo and Liam snap apart to see another girl from their therapy group—Amber. She holds up a tray of paints.

“You guys need to paint each other,” she insists. “Come along.”

Reluctantly, Theo follows her through the group, Liam attached to his hand. Amber sets down the paints on a small table near the windows, and she holds out a paint tube for each of them. “Have at it,” she says cheerily and moves back into the sway of the dancing crowd.

Theo looks at the color she handed him: pink. The color of everything he can’t have. And he’s supposed to paint this on the person he can never have? A cruel coincidence, to be sure.

“Should I paint your arms or your face?” Liam asks.

Then Theo notices the color that Liam is holding. “Don’t use red,” he says, maybe a little too harshly.

“Why? What’s wrong with red?”

“Blood.” Theo doesn’t elaborate, but Liam seems to get it. He reaches over to the paint box and rummages through it until he pulls out a new one.

“How about blue?”

Theo hesitates. It’s a light shade of blue, definitely one that’ll show up well under the black light, but it’s still blue. Glowing blue for the eyes of a killer of innocents. The color his eyes should be in wolf (or coyote) form, if he’d been a proper supernatural creature. The color of Peter’s eyes, Malia’s, Derek’s, and those two werewolves from Satomi’s pack. It’s frightening, chilling. But then his eyes find Liam’s blue eyes, not glowing with any werewolf power, and he takes a deep breath.

He forgets that blue means a killer. He forgets that it means the water of the icy creek. Instead, he changes the meaning: blue is the color of Liam.

“Blue’s fine,” he says.

Liam paints a paw print on his shoulder and the McCall pack symbol on Theo’s left arm, two lines wrapping all the way around. “I don’t care what Scott says. You’re a part of the pack.”

Theo feels like crying, but he doesn’t. Happiness and feelings of guilt war within him. He doesn’t deserve to be a part of Scott’s pack, he knows that in his mind. But he wants it. He wants it so bad that it hurts.

“Your turn,” Liam says, unzipping his hoodie all the way.

Theo stares in awe at his chest for a moment before snapping out of it and dipping the paintbrush in the pink paint. He doesn’t paint a heart because he’s got a weird thing about hearts, no thanks to the Dread Doctors. He paints a paw print over Liam’s heart, to match the one Liam painted on his arm. He doesn’t know if it comes across as romantic or not. To him, it’s the most romantic thing he’s ever done.

Then he paints Scott’s pack symbol on Liam’s left arm and a line under each eye, like how football players do it, because Liam is definitely a sporty guy and he couldn’t really think of anything else. “There,” he says and sets down the paint brush.

Liam looks at his arm first, then his chest. His gaze lingers on the paw print a beat too long. The loud music prevents Theo from sensing a change in heartbeat, and there’s too many people around to pick up on the chemosignals, but from his face, Theo can tell that Liam is confused by the placement—perhaps wondering if it was intentional or not.

“Let’s go dance again,” Theo says, “since we were so rudely interrupted.”

Liam laughs, but it’s awkward. Wrong. “Don’t let Amber hear you say that. She’ll be royally offended.”

“Don’t tell her I said that, and I won’t tell her you implied that she’s a drama queen.”

“Fair enough.”

They keep a little distance between them as they start to dance, to allow the paint to dry. Then they get closer and closer with each song. They grab another round of drinks. Take pictures with Bethany and Amber. Try to sing to words they can barely understand. Time becomes a lost art. All that matters is the movement, the music, and the flashes of color.

Liam is so perfect, so breathtaking. Theo can’t believe he has him, even for just a few days. It’s more than he deserves, and he feels so unbelievably guilty for wanting more. Moving closer and closer. Grabbing Liam’s hair and pressing their foreheads together. And then bringing their lips to meet.

The first kiss is gentle, soft, and far too quick. Theo tries to savor it, thinking it will be the last. After the kiss, the spell will break. Liam will shove him away, remind him that he’s not gay, and storm out of the party, leaving him behind. It’s what he deserves; it’s inevitable.

And yet, Liam pinky swore that he would stay, that he would let Theo make out with him as much he wanted. Theo is relieved to find out that Liam is good on his word.

When he draws back from the kiss, Liam looks a little uncomfortable, but he smiles at him warmly. Theo kisses him again, with more intensity this time. He guides the kiss, sets the rhythm, and makes the kiss last a good five minutes.

They pull apart for air, gazes locked on each other. The feeling in Theo’s chest can only be described as fluttering. Are these the butterflies that crazy people in love speak of?

Liam initiates the next kiss, but it’s awkward. No flow. Liam pulls back, head hung with embarrassment. “Sorry, I’m very out of practice.”

“It’s okay,” Theo says. “Just follow my rhythm.”

They kiss again and again, and then they’re making out and people are shouting “Thiam!” above the loud music. A few girls squeal. There’s a wolf whistle. It’s surreal. Theo thinks it’s all a dream, that he’ll wake up and it’ll be Monday morning before any of this fake dating started.

He opens his eyes, and Liam is still there. Liam doesn’t look confused anymore or uncomfortable. He looks happy. As happy as Theo feels.

For a moment, Theo thinks he can have it all. Then Liam pulls out his phone. “I think someone is calling me,” he yells to Theo.

Theo catches a glimpse of the screen. Hayden. He swallows, hard, and leans close to Liam’s ear. “You should take the call.”

Liam glances at the phone, then up at him. “Are you sure? I said this would be your night. Hayden can wait.”

Theo shakes his head. “It’s okay. Please, Liam. Take the call.” It isn’t what he wants to say, but he knows it’s the right thing to do. He wants Liam to be happy, and if getting back together with Hayden will fix that, Theo will support him, no matter how much pain it causes him.

Liam disappears through the crowd and out the door.

Theo ignores the pang in his chest. Well, that’s it. His night as Cinderella has ended. The carriage is a pumpkin again, the horses are mice, the dress is just a muscle shirt—not even his own. His fantasy is over. No point in waiting around for his Prince Charming, because he was never _his_ to begin with.

Theo walks over to the bar and sits down at one of the stools, orders another drink for himself. The burn of the alcohol feels good against his throat. At least his taste buds still work. He tortures himself with another four drinks before he gets up and calls for an Uber.

\---

Theo’s sitting on the curb outside, shivering, when Liam finds him.

“Hey, what are you doing out here?” Liam asks.

“Waiting for my ride,” Theo says, monotone.

“Ride? You’re leaving?” Liam asks in shock. “But the party goes for, like, another two hours.”

“I don’t feel like it anymore.”

Liam crouches next to him, concern evident in his face. “Was it the darkness? Or the colors? Werewolf senses overloaded?”

 _None of the above._ Theo sighs. He’s burning to ask Liam what happened with Hayden, but he doesn’t think he can handle hearing Liam’s answer right now. It’ll hurt too much. “I couldn’t find my anchor,” he mumbles softly.

“Your anchor?”

Theo curses himself for saying it aloud. “You know, like Scott says.”

“Yeah, I know,” Liam says. “It’s just, I’ve never heard you talk about that before. What’s yours?”

Theo huffs out a laugh. “As if I’d tell you.”

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

Curiosity makes Theo say something stupid. “You first.”

Liam takes a deep breath and cups his hand around Theo’s cheek. “It’s you. You’re my anchor, Theo.”

“What?” Theo can’t hide the surprise. He tells his face away from Liam. This is a joke, right?

“Before the stuff with Monroe and Nolan, I always had trouble controlling my anger. Sure, I could transform at will. I had a temporary anchor then. But once you started helping me, I was able to control it better. Anytime I get angry, I can just think of you and the anger disappears. It sounds stupid, I know, but it works for me.”

“It’s not stupid,” Theo says. “It’s just incredibly cheesy.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my anchor too. And I know that sounds like some silly romantic line, but it’s true. Like on the bridge, you were the only person that could’ve gotten to me. It’s—never mind. It’s dumb.”

Liam kisses him.

Theo doesn’t know how to react, it happens so fast. When Liam pulls back, Theo raises an eyebrow. “We don’t have to pretend out here, you know? Literally no one is watching us.”

Liam nods, bites his lip. A long silence passes before he replies, his voice soft and tentative. “But that’s the thing, Theo. I’m not pretending anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Theo asks, even though the answer is obvious. But of course, he’s worried that he’s jumping to hopeful conclusions.

“I don’t want to pretend anymore.”

“Oh.” Theo feels crestfallen. Too good to be true, he knew it. Liam just wanted one last kiss to end their time as a fake couple. It meant nothing.

“You don’t seem too happy.” Liam frowns. His heartrate is picking up, more like a rabbit than an elephant this time. Theo can hear it now that the music is muffled.

“I’m not.” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat. “Sorry. I’m an idiot. Just enjoy your life with Hayden. She’ll be good for you.”

Liam’s jaw drops. “But I don’t want Hayden.”

“Huh? Didn’t she just call you?”

Liam nods. “Yeah, but it wasn’t to talk about getting back together or anything. We’ve been talking for a few weeks, actually.”

“About what?”

Liam’s eyebrows pinch together, his voice angry. “About my stupid crush on you!”

“Crush on _me_?” Theo asks in disbelief. He’s sure he’s heard that wrong.

“Oh my god! How can you be so dense? Yes, on you.”

“But you didn’t even want to do this fake relationship. You tried to cancel it.”

“Yeah, because I thought it might hurt too much if we fake-dated for a week and then it turned out you didn’t like me. Which does fucking hurt, by the way, but it’s not your fault. It’s my fault for agreeing to this, and outing you in the first place. I honestly didn’t mean to do that, but I just get so angry when you talk about those fake relationships with girls and how you could never get a steady girlfriend when I’ve been beside you this whole time.” Tears smear the pink painted underscores beneath Liam’s eyes.

Theo’s brain is working too slow. Maybe the alcohol did have an effect on him after all. “So, wait, you like me? As more than a friend?”

“Yeah, okay. Make fun of me all you want.”

“I’m not making fun of you. It’s just I thought you were straight.”

“So did I, but then you waltzed back into my life with that cocky little grin of yours and your newfound heroism and all that.”

“That’s a funny way to describe rescuing me from a magical prison with a sword.”

Liam glares at him, hard. “It began around the time you became my anchor, okay? That’s when I started to notice my feelings. I couldn’t talk to Mason or Corey about it because they’d definitely tell you, so I ended up confiding in Hayden.”

“You don’t need to cry,” Theo says. It’s the wrong thing to say. His thoughts aren’t coming out in the right order. He mentioned that he liked Liam, didn’t he? Or maybe he didn’t…

“You’re an asshole.”

Yep, he definitely forgot to mention that teeny, tiny significant detail. “Liam, I’m the asshole. I…” The words stick in his throat, like peanut butter. He swallows, tries again, fails. So he just kisses Liam. That should get the message across, right?

Liam shoves him away. “What are you doing?”

“Kissing you.”

“Look, I’m sorry,” Liam says, waving his hands in front of him, “but I can’t do the whole friends with benefits thing. You either like me or you don’t.”

“I like you.”

“Huh? But you just turned me down.”

“No, fuck. You misunderstood. I misunderstood. What a mess. When you said you wanted to end this fake dating thing, I thought you meant because you were getting back with Hayden, but that’s not what I want at all. I want to be with you.”

Liam shoves him again, but there’s less fire behind it. “You made me say all that embarrassing stuff and feel like shit because I thought you rejected me.”

“Sorry. But aren’t you glad to know that it was all a misunderstanding?”

Liam chuckles, then full-on laughs, as if a huge weight has been lifted. “You are definitely gonna have to make it up to me when we get home.”

“Liam, I’ll do anything you want when we get home.”

“Anything?” Liam asks, a dangerous twinkle in his eye.

“Yeah, what the hell. Anything. What do you want?”

“Well, it’s something that we can do together,” Liam says, trailing his fingers up Theo’s arm suggestively.

Pleasant shivers run through Theo’s body. He likes the sound of that. Hopefully it involves Liam in his bedroom, preferably in his bed, but he wouldn’t mind the desk or the shower. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

Liam smiles. “Let’s paint your room.”

The words completely catch Theo off guard. “What?” His safe haven. His white castle. His white… prison? The realization hits him suddenly. He’s been trapping himself inside his room, allowing the colors to remind him of all the bad, when he should be searching for new, good meanings in them. Like the blue in Liam’s eyes. The red of his lips. The pink of his tongue.

“Let’s paint your room,” Liam repeats.

Theo takes a deep breath. “Okay. Good idea.”

Liam wraps his arms around him, squeezing tightly and rocking him back-and-forth. “I’m so proud of you, Theo.” The cold is starting to pick up, but neither of them seems to care. They onto each other, all their fears and worries about unrequited feelings flying away on the cool wind.

Theo feels a warmth throughout his body. Happiness. Elation. The feelings he’s forbidden himself from indulging in. But now he knows that whatever mistakes he made in the past, he will never repeat again. He can move forward and forgive himself, not today but soon. At least, he can start letting himself be happy now, feeding himself with good feelings and starving the wicked beast within.

He feels free for the time in years, feels strong enough to face the world, to face himself, to face the man he loves. And be honest.

Smiling, Theo leans over to kiss his boyfriend. “I’m still gonna kick your ass in video games,” he whispers, then pulls him in close, breathes in his scent, and kisses him again. Then he places his hand over the pink pawprint he painted on Liam’s chest and just lets himself feel connected to him, lets the pink color remind him of the love he’s letting himself feel for the first time.


End file.
